

P.E.T., or Parent Effectiveness Training, began almost forty years ago as the first national parent-training program to teach parents how to communicate more effectively with kids and offer step-by-step advice to resolving family conflicts so everybody wins. This beloved classic is the most studied, highly praised, and proven parenting program in the world -- and it will work for you. Now revised for the first time since its initial publication, this groundbreaking guide will show you:How to avoid being a permissive parentHow to listen so kids will talk to you and talk so kids will listen to you How to teach your children to "own" their problems and to solve themHow to use the "No-Lose" method to resolve conflictsUsing the timeless methods of P.E.T. will have immediate results: less fighting, fewer tantrums and lies, no need for punishment. Whether you have a toddler striking out for independence or a teenager who has already started rebelling, you'll find P.E.T. a compassionate, effective way to instill responsibility and create a nurturing family environment in which your child will thrive.From the Trade Paperback edition.
A glimpse inside

Gordon emphasizes that truly hearing your child is foundational to effective parenting. Active listening means giving your full attention, reflecting feelings, and avoiding judgment or immediate solutions. This approach helps children feel understood and respected, which in turn encourages them to open up and trust their parents. By modeling this skill, parents teach children how to communicate their own feelings and needs constructively.
Instead of blaming or criticizing children with 'You' statements (e.g., 'You're so messy!'), Gordon advocates for 'I-Messages' that express the parent's feelings and needs without assigning fault (e.g., 'I feel frustrated when toys are left out because I trip over them'). This shift reduces defensiveness and invites collaboration, making it easier to resolve issues without power struggles.
Ratings at a glance
- 1Active Listening as a Core Skill
- 2I-Messages vs. You-Messages
- 3The 'No-Lose' Conflict Resolution Method
- 4Letting Children Own Their Problems
- 5Moving Beyond Punishment and Rewards
Popular quotes from Parent Effectiveness Training
“Children do not need to be made to learn about the world, to expand and develop, or to behave in socially acceptable ways. They want to do all these things.”