Communication in marriage · Comunicación en el matrimonio · Family & Relationships
The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman — Summary, Key Ideas & Quotes
1999288 pages✦ 3-min Big ideas★ 4.6 (5)
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What is The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work about?
John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.
A glimpse inside
The Power of Friendship
Gottman emphasizes that deep friendship is the foundation of a successful marriage. This means knowing your partner intimately, showing genuine interest in their inner world, and maintaining a sense of fondness and admiration. Couples who prioritize friendship are more resilient during tough times and better equipped to handle disagreements, as their positive connection acts as a buffer against negativity.
Turning Toward, Not Away
Small, everyday moments of connection—what Gottman calls 'bids' for attention—are crucial. Successful couples consistently turn toward each other’s bids, responding with interest or affection, rather than ignoring or dismissing them. Over time, these micro-interactions build trust and emotional safety, reinforcing the relationship’s foundation.
Ratings at a glance
Open Library
★ 4.6 / 5
5 ratings
Google Books
★ 5.0 / 5
1 ratings
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Get smart in 3 min
6 key ideas, distilled
- 1The Power of Friendship
- 2Turning Toward, Not Away
- 3Letting Influence Flow Both Ways
- 4Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems
- 5Repair and De-escalation
Popular quotes from The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work
“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.”
“In marriage, couples are always making bids for each other's attention, affection, humor, or support.”
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Frequently asked
John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years. Here is the culmination of his life's work: the seven principles that guide couples on the path toward a harmonious and long-lasting relationship. Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for