Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone — book cover
BUSINESS & ECONOMICS / Skills · Interpersonal communication · Feedback (Psychology)

Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone — Summary, Key Ideas & Quotes

2014348 pages✦ 3-min Big ideas★ 4.0 (2)
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What is Thanks for the Feedback about?

"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers-but also family, friends, and in-laws-they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development-but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace. The business world spends billions of dollars and millions of hours each year teaching people how to give feedback more effectively. Stone and Heen argue that we've got it backwards and show us why the smart money is on educating receivers- in the workplace and in personal relationships as well. Coauthors of the international bestseller Difficult Conversations, Stone and Heen have spent the last ten years working with businesses, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. With humor and clarity, they blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice. The book is destined to become a classic in the world of leadership, organizational behavior, and education"-- "The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers--but also family, friends, and in-laws--they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relationships and professional development--but we dread it and often dismiss it. That's because receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires. We do want to learn and grow. And we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. Thanks for the Feedback is the first book to address this tension head on. It explains why getting feedback is so crucial yet so challenging, and offers a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace"-- Discover how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning. Receiving feedback sits at the junction of two conflicting human desires: we do want to learn and grow, and we also want to be accepted just as we are right now. The authors offer a powerful framework to help us take on life's blizzard of off-hand comments, annual evaluations, and unsolicited advice with curiosity and grace.

A glimpse inside

Illustration for Thanks for the Feedback
The Receiver's Role Is Central

Most feedback literature focuses on how to give feedback well, but Stone and Heen argue that the real leverage point is on the receiving end. No matter how skillfully feedback is delivered, it’s the recipient’s ability to process, interpret, and integrate it that determines whether it leads to growth. The book reframes feedback as a skill to be developed by the receiver—one that involves managing emotional triggers, seeking clarity, and actively engaging with the information, rather than passively accepting or rejecting it.

Three Types of Feedback

The authors distinguish between three fundamentally different types of feedback: appreciation (affirming and motivating), coaching (helping you learn, grow, or change), and evaluation (assessing where you stand). Confusion often arises when giver and receiver are misaligned about which type is being offered or sought. Recognizing and naming the type of feedback can help clarify intentions, reduce misunderstandings, and make conversations more productive.

See all 6 key ideas →

Ratings at a glance

Open Library
★ 4.0 / 5
2 ratings
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Get smart in 3 min
6 key ideas, distilled
›
  1. 1The Receiver's Role Is Central
  2. 2Three Types of Feedback
  3. 3Triggers That Block Learning
  4. 4Separating the Message from the Messenger
  5. 5Seeking Specificity and Clarity

Popular quotes from Thanks for the Feedback

“Feedback is not just what gets delivered; it’s what gets heard.”
“Receiving feedback sits at the junction of two human needs: the need to learn and grow, and the need to be accepted just as we are.”

Frequently asked

"The bestselling authors of the classic Difficult Conversations teach us how to turn evaluations, advice, criticisms, and coaching into productive listening and learning We swim in an ocean of feedback. Bosses, colleagues, customers-but also family, friends, and in-laws-they all have "suggestions" for our performance, parenting, or appearance. We know that feedback is essential for healthy relatio